Just that day you leave i never see a smile again. Just a week ago i found a picture. Like the cure song its so bad just to thinking of you. Im in frigile feel knowing still the best smile ive seen that can really make me smile again. Its supouse to be spell or magic. Dont know. By the time you forget maybe i'll arive at your front door. Sing bizarre love triangle. Silly, But just today i see it again such a smile.

Pleadge guilty i guest.

From now

Dear future me,

Right at this time you possibly still don't know how to communicate to person, your basic language, your gesture, attitude, and so on. i know it sucks to be there right now, i know you losing people you want to be love, and people you loved.

Now, here, its kind a same thing. once i read a love letter from the girl i know. i remember the first smile that i think that she will be the last. unfortunately she's not, its just pages of your story line. and than came, HER.

the one fill in the blank on my brain, the one try to unscrew my thought. she, the peculiar relationship that i have. the one who teach me the ordinary world, the people perspective, the normal people see, the rich and poor, the racism everywhere, the not so mild on lips.

smile

i get that feeling again after not so long year before my last relationship, smile that make me stumbling when my heart beat. the red box, the cake, the dialog. ' i never have this spontaneous act like this' the act of trying, and knowing whats wrong. i remember that smile now with song in my headphone 'she came to me by Nick Urata' from soundtrack ruby spark. it was 4 year ago now.

heart beat

now i know what is not so love feeling. i never know what is love feels before. what is it take to your life from love. turn out what is love is just skipping beat on every time you choose to smile, every time you ask me to sing to lullaby you to sleep, the feeling hurts when i know i missed your call. the stabbing through your chess when you realize it is love but its too late. i miss

i

truth about relationship, i missing you, because every time i look at the phone, i wish you call, every decision that i make, that i always think about you instead of me. fuck people that say it all through, fuck our rule, it sucks to not interesting on you again, deleting my social media its one of my run away from you that away. still you are the one i try to reach every morning. hate the feeling guilty from my last talk, from my last touch, from my last time i spent with you, it sucks i cant pretend that i am good guy, it really dull when i am stand with you on the bar, it really sucks to know that i cant communicated my though, my feeling, because scare of you its my deepest dark secret. i scare to lose you, scare to hurt your feeling, scare to make you happy.

LIES

Dear my future, you know once you say that you are great liar, you are the best in that. you lie to your friend, when spelling the story, you lie to your family from what you do. you lose your heart and break it slip it to your dark. lie about your life, and most of all i lie to her, lie about my feeling, about i hate what she wear, i hate about she accept your song, lie about happy to drive on car with her, happy to accept how dictator her to you, i lie about my feeling to you, love its just my hard time, i know its more than love that i feel.

Cliché

all of this, what i do? what i write? what i am listening right now? all of this is fraud, i scarps the feeling, to love you, torture it to love you, cry to love you, hate to love you, and hate that you even didn't know what i feel. and even sadder that i didn't know what you feel. i hate you to make me fall in love deeper than before, to make it real than before. it sucks, to not knowing ho to communicate with you. it sucks you gone.
and it really sucks that

i am
still
here.


You are the best possible that i have, the best time that i have. now i try to clean my messed up, line up again about lie that i still have you. so people understand that you are alone, not with me, you are single.

hard.
just hard.

if one day you read this my future, stay away from this and realize that you have relationship. try
just try. i am sorry. my future, i am ruinning from now.

n.i

Semua kisah yang pernah lalui hidupku
Semua cinta yang pernah
Engkau rasakan, dalam kisahmu
Pahit dan manismu,
Lalui

Semua teman yang engkau sayang dan tinggalkan
Sengaja atau tidak, dirimu
Pernah lalui, cerita yang haru
Yang semua alami

Dan kita coba kenangi semua,
Walau t'lah tiada
Bagai etalase jendela

Kau pernah kenal seorang yang sangat kau sayang
Kau pernah kenal seorang
Yang sangat kau benci, terasa perih
Hingga otakmu,
Meledak!

Semua sahabat yang pernah menghangatkan hidup
Satu persatu, menghilang
Seiring waktu yang makin lama
Kian menua

Tapi kita coba kenangi semua,
Walau t'lah tiada
Bagai etalase jendela
Lyric "SORE- Etalase"

High School Hii

mau share dikit ah tentang pengalaman high school yang gw dapetin:)

dulu itu namanya juga anak baru gede. ya semua di cari tau deh.

mulai dari nongkrong, dulu gw masih takut buat rokok sama bir, mulai berani itu kelas 3 SMA haha itu saat palin tolol buat gw, dulu sih gw rasa enak, flava jadi fav gw dulu haha, dulu minum juga cengeng sih cuman bir bir kecil ga berat. hahhaa

di SMA ini gw menemukan banyak banget pengalaman seru.

1. pertama kalinya gw belajar gitar

2. pertama kalinya gw jadi obses sama band, yg sebenernya gw ga mau hahaha

3. pertama kalinya kenal yang namanya graphic designer

4. pertama kalinya jalan jalan keluar rumah sampe malem bareng temen

5. pertama kalinya keluar pulau sama temen

6. pertama kalinya gw pegang kamera DSLR/ CAMCORDER

7. pertama kalinya gw nonton konser

dan banyak lagi kalo di jelasin satu satu *red males nulis padahal ga banyak

terus tiba tiba nemu playlist di MS a.k.a myspace udah lama ga buka, dulu kan MS in banget tuh di kalangan anak muda highschool gitchuw hahahha

dulu mah sampe bela belain beli merch bandnya *punya gw di kasihin ke orang soalnya emak gw takut sama gambarnya hahhahaha , terus ke distro dimana tempat mereka nongkrong*silly , terus nonton konsernya mereka.

beberapa dari mereka masih suka gw ikutin PWG, Thirteen sisanya entah apalah hahaha

kaya T.O.C.O.D yang sekarang berubah jadi Hyder, terus Killing me inside yang sekarang jadi melancholist alirannya, Sweet as revenge yang di tinggal gitarisnya yang lebih konsen ke last child #sekedar info dulu lastchild adalah band melodict, yang kalonyanyi suaranya cempreng, dulu gw suka kesel kalo ada temen gw yang nyanyi lagu melodict, WHO THE FUCK SING THAT SONG? hahaha

terus ada seems like yesterday yang salah satu personilnya meninggal, bla bla blast yang udah berubah aliran karena personilnya sibuk masing masing, terus ada soul shoes yang entah kemana, terus ada for the flame beneath the bridge yang kayanya sih masih hidup dan entah apa lagi hahahhaaha.

hampir semua yang gw sebutin band yang nyanyinya teriak teriak.

pingin gw kopi playlist MS gw tapi gw ga ngerti hahahhaaa

yup!!! itu semangat anak muda banget gak sih? joget moshing, headbang, circle pit, and what else?

oiya dulu jamannya doyan foto dengan DSLR terus di edit ala graphic designer yang masih belum lulus dan masih semester 2 hahahhahahahahahah

ini nih contohnya

hahahhaha weird?????????????

jeez hal itu sekarang gw kangenin:) sebenenrnya ya bisa aja gw dateng ke konser konser begitu, cuman entah badan menolak, faktor gw yang tak berenergi seperti anak muda lagi hahahah

mulai kelas 3 SMA gw teracun dengan jazz, pop, funk not punk, dan lagu easy listennin

musik musik ini entah gw dapet dari mana, gw juga ga tau mulai dari manaa gw suka lagu lagu bergenre begitu haha

banyak cerita di balik SMA:) gw kenal mall jakarta bukan dari orangtua gw, tapi dari temen temen gw hahhaa

yah high school hii:) cuma bisa menyapa:)

hardest things to be done #8

How dare you love somebody?

Anak serigala

Aku bukan serigala yang liar
Aku bukan hewan buas yang hidup di alam liar
Pandangan mataku bias tak tajam
Di padang berumput pun aku takut akan ular

Diantara serigala buas aku berteman
Namun aku bukan salah satu dari mereka
Domba liar di padang gurun kau kejar
Aku hanya bisa melihatnya dari balik pohon

Daging pun aku suka
Tapi untuk memakannya dengan darah tak sanggup ku menelannya
Domba di padang pun aku lirik tapi tak berani ku menyentuhnya

Liar bukan berarti tak jinak
Seekor serigala bertaring yang cerdik dan tangkas dapat memburu ribuan mangsanya
Aku adalah bagian dari serigala namun tak haus darah

Kamu buat garis darah bagi kumpulan serigala
Kamu tau taringnya namun kau tak takut
Kau tau kapan kau harus melolong
Kamu adalah anjing kampung yang bermain liar
Aku?
Hanya bayangan dari kaki kaki kotor mu

Proud To Be...

yaha lagi dengerin lagu lagu jogja hiphop foundation. mereka adalah komunitas hiphop di jogja, yang berpegang teguh terhadap budaya asli. pertama gw dengerin itu adalah 'jogja istimewa'. tanpa mengurangi gaya dan beat west coast mereka maju sebagai rapper dengan bahasa dan poet javanese. how it cant be? haha liat aja deh penjelasannya di video ini yang di ambil dari iklan intel.



gw ga punya film "hip hop diningrat" yang full penjelasan tentang mereka.
mereka udah tour sampe NYC. filmnya juga sampe sana juga tuh. WOW banget deh ini komunitas hiphop indonesia

PS: ga semua budaya atau kulture luar harus di telen mentah mentah. budaya luar harus di olah dan berkembang kaya mereka ini.

nih lagu lagu mereka nih




nih satu video live bersama soimah